I’m Not Waiting for the Next Part
When I ride roller coasters, I am so tense and holding on so tightly that I can’t even scream. I’m holding my breath until the drop is over, and hating every second until that happens.
So when I run into a problem, I’m desperately looking for a way off of the rollercoaster so I can breathe again. Pro- I’m great at finding and executing the escape route. Con- Sometimes you truly cannot get off the rollercoaster.
So it would be wise to remind myself that not everything is a prequel to the next step. I’ve become really good at doing the introspection and reflection and chewing on things and then sleeping on them and coming back to them on long walks. It’s a great way to get at the root of a problem, but sometimes you do all of that digging, see exactly what is happening right in front of you, and you can’t do anything about it. And it becomes too easy to turn that internally, to think that something must be wrong with me, that I can’t find a solution or a way out even when I know exactly what I’m staring at. But sometimes there just isn’t a right answer.
If I’m going back and forth on something, that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m indecisive- I may genuinely be right up against the line, and natural changes can make it feel like I keep hopping the fence. When I’m ready, I’ll be ready, even if the months leading up to that moment are absolutely maddening and have me holding my breath until the drop is over.
